Hop, Skip, Dash, Free Fall

The block was an absolute and complete success. It's beyond what I ever imagined. I expected to get my one night of sleep and then go right back to torture. No pain since Monday. I am essentially "normal". I can run, skip, hop, do stairs. I have control of me again and I love it. There is the underlying fear that I'll wake up tomorrow or the next day so on and this won't be the case... but I'm fulling enjoying it and doing everything I can to make things stay this way. It's emotionally draining but it's easier to be happy. I can get the exercise I need without a motivation issue, I can think clearly and I can fully experience everything without dying inside. It's still hard which I mean is wrong to say I guess. It's so incredibly happy. I've cried from happiness but then again I cry because I'm scared. It's like wow now that I know this is a part of me, should I be going all out? Or should I be careful? Life is too short to live cautiously but I'm scared of things going back; despite this I hop, skip and free fall forward into a life I've forgotten. Pain free.

10am ---> Happy Birthday!

I'm not dead...but I'm pretty sure that's apparent assuming of course you believe this is the same person writing this as all along. Yep, yep siree. I don't feel like me though and that's the pathetic reason for lack of blogs. I'm not myself and I hate it. The RSD pain guy is taking me over and I truly am changed for the worse, I have no drive anymore, writing my passion doesn't even bring me joy except upon occasion. I'm trying to change that tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be my "reawakening" day. I'll be like Frosty the Snowman, "Happy Birthday!" Summer has officially begun, it helps with stress, less stress...more energy? I'm continuously exhausted but I'm determined to not let that keep me down. I got my license! wooo. I passed 10th grade, woo! And tomorrow I am getting my nerve block. 10am is the time. Hospital is the place. This isn't what is bringing the change, it is a part of it, but I realize it may not be as great as I want it to be and I need to push myself through this depression and BLAH and live life to the fullest, fully experience everything...do more of the things I love even if at first it may not seem appeal. Motivation. Motivation is key and I have had very little...tomorrow, that changes. I'm bringing a bunch of my writing in the car to work on. I found out about a twice a year novel contest that I am aiming to be ready for by December. the novel, hasn't been worked on...in well over a month or 2. It needs TLC and I need to force myself to at least put it in front of me, read it, something...to get things going again. Otherwise, I'm touching up my English writing portfolio from this year before i put it in my hope chest. Of course the writers notebook will be along for the ride...as well as my snazzy Peruvian pen my therapist got me. Tomorrow is the day, ready or not welcome back to life:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!