My school has this rule, which I fully understand and support on a case by case basis. The thing is, that rule is currently what may result in me being a sophomore next year...even though I'm one this year and a straight A student. Yes, I have straight As and I work my butt off but regardless I may not be passed on to the 11th grade. As you all know, I have a "medical condition", ick terminology like that makes me sick. :p But anyways, this "condition", aka STUPID RSD, has caused an extreme number of absences, all of which have been viewed as excused due to a note from a parent. This doesn't matter, because of the number of days missed, I've exceeded the amount "allowed". Therefore we have to appeal to me losing credits. I could lose credit for German and be "okay", because it's not required. Actually if it were just a few classes I get to be considered a "jumore", but I am potentially going to lose credit in English. You fail English, you don't go to the next grade. Yea, wonderful. I love English, I want to be an author, I am a writer, I read constantly, but no matter, I have RSD which screws up a lot of things. Hopefully, I will get credit because we'll gather up proper "evidence" that my absences were for legitimate reasons, but it's in the hands of school staff. Let me tell you especially after the last week I had, I despise school staff. The lack of sympathy or even recognition that they have no idea what the hell is going on is sickening. Worst of all (besides peers) are the school nurses for crying out loud! This week as I was sick to my stomach from pain, in tears and completely unable to focus it was attempted to convince me to go to my office (school is separated into 4 groups) and do work while I waited for my Dad to come and get me. I could sit up without tears welling, she could clearly see that. Wow, I was far from pleased. Oh yes, and get this. They've run out of elevator keys. (Given to kids on crutches, with med. conditions that prohibit stair use) So Friday morning I crutch in, my arms killing my foot beyond excruciatingly painful and they tell me sorry no elevator keys. Then they give me the crap that, "it's not their fault". It is absolutely their fault. It's not that the people who get more made haven't, it's that they're frivolous with who they give them to, don't keep track of them and never hunt down people who need them temporarily to get them back. It's their fault and they tell me I'll have to (I DIDN'T because it was ABSOLUTELY IRRATIONAL!) crutch to the main office (located on the ground floor) every time I need to go up the elevator and them to go down. Ummm yea, that's perfect seems how the nurse is in one building on the 3rd floor. (This building has 5 floors) the office is in the other, which has 4. Logical people, learn how to use it! So my day was hell. Lots of tears, which make me feel so weak and pathetic as people stare with no bit of understanding. I know it's not their fault, it's no ones fault, I just get so frustrated. I thought I was on an everlasting uphill climb. Even if I slid back didn't think I'd be back to the get-go. My lifestyle change is phenomenal. My mentality is changed and I definitely have a better outlook on the whole situation thanks to Boston Children's Hospital. And I was doing great. I don't want to think this is a huge set-back but from what my body is telling me, it is. I mean, "hurt vs. harm" nothing is harmed, but from what I know of RSD, it's angry. Pain guy is like smacking me in the face no matter how loud I yell or how hard I punch back. I'm living my life around him best I can, but trust me, put anyone else in this situation and they'd see I'm pretty darn talented to be doing as well as I am. Some of this is thanks to narcotics which i HATE being on and need to get off ASAP. But it's what makes me semi-functional. Not functional...but able to be alive without screaming, crying, wrenching and having a non-stop mental breakdown. Yea, it's pleasant.
In my opinion the most frustrating thing about RSD is the vicious circle it puts you in. RSD is a huge reason to be stressed, frustrated and confused. Feeling these things causes more pain. The more pain, the more strong vile emotions. Vicious circle of hell! This past week, I've been battling to break out of the circle, but honestly I'm terrified and highly stressed. I might flunk a grade! I'm so behind in many things...and the pain makes me sick to my stomach, blocks out clear thinking and amongst the other things makes me miserable. The meds. which block the pain make me tired, dizzy, unfocused. How am I supposed to do school work? I can't. i try, I promise I try. I want to get it done so I stand a better chance at beating this stress RSD cycle. I also need to practice violin. It'd be calming...but it requires sitting up, which having my foot hang down increases pain. It also requites focus and desire...squashed by meds. And if I'm in pain and can manage the other issues, the vibrations of loud music intensify pain and send shooting, radiating pains up my leg. This RSD thing is one huge catch 22.
Which brings me to the fact that I wish for a day everyone around me could feel this. It's not because I hate them. I love them. It makes no sense right? You can call it selfish too, I just want people to understand. It's not only that. It's that I love them and I know this monster and I, when we're battling, I'm terrible to be around. I know for some of them it hurts them to see me the way I am. I don't want to do that. I hate feeling helpless. Maybe if I could show them RSD for just one day they wouldn't have to feel helpless. :)
Well right now...I feel tired. Meds. :p And just overall pain exhausted...so I'm off to attempt sleep, although my tummy is filled with waves thanks to fretting over school. Meh. -_-
The weekends are far too short!
Love bloglings. ♥
2 comments:
Hello! Came across you through another RSD blog, I have this horrid monster also. I can't believe they are tripping you up on the stupid attendance rule! That rule is in place to stop truants, not to hinder people with special needs. What a croc. It's also horrible when the people around you aren't able to understand your pain...I know that one, it's one of the reasons I started blogging, just to share it. Hope things turn around soon for you, looking forward to your updates.
Caf :)
Yeahh, I agree about the elevator thing. That's why when you get one, go and make your own copy of it, so you don't have to keep asking the nurses or have them not have any.
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