Fighting---Because of Love

I've come up with a sort of human behavior theory. It's based on one test subject, that subject being me. I didn't intentionally run any test, but from experience I've been able to draw some conclusions. I think we're more likely to hurt people that love us first, because we know/hope we'll never lose them. I think that every relationship/friendship has to survive at least one big fight. We kind of subconsciously know we have to "test" people. It's like our defense against getting really really hurt. In some cases we do still get very hurt. It's not taken well, when you think someone loves you and come to find out their not willing to fight, and work to have you. I'm not talking exclusively romance here. I'm actually not really talking romance, as far as my experience. I feel like I am the type of person to fix things regardless of if that's my job. I except the fact that someone loves/cares about me without question. I am beginning to realize humans don't just love. Love has to survive test. I fight with people but then I always want to fix it, so I don't lose what there. Well, I've decided, if someone is worth it, they'll fight too. There will always be arguments and fights but it shouldn't always be the same person feeling responsible ad fixing the problem. Every argument has at least two stories.

The story behind all this. I'm hurting, a lot a lot a lot right now. Since treatment has started I've been fighting with people I'm close to more and more. I think it makes sense though. I am learning things about these people through this. I think it's kind of my human nature, "testing" those close to me, because I only can have those who really care in my life. I can't be bothered with baggage right now. It's sounds awful calling people baggage, but if being in a relationship (of any kind) with someone is a constant uphill battle for you and not them, there is a problem that needs to be addressed, which sometimes means, you have to accept that someone who you love, doesn't love you. Wow, that's depressing. But, it's true, from my experience. And I'll just tell you, I'm not planning on losing people. I'm really hoping, they will fight. But I can't always be the fixer/fighter. I'm learning.