Excuse me...

First off you all deserve an apology....amusing that people actually read this. I haven't blogged in a long time. My life has been very hectic, thanks to RSD amongst other things. I'm in treatment now but let's not discuss it, that's the stressfulness.

Let's just say I want to just scream excuse me!!! and make people listen. I feel like I am not up to par lately as far as being me. (If that makes any sense) Like I'm not acting as I normally would, it's concerning. But I'm going to try to fix it. Perhaps.

I had a great great great weekend. It included a Halloween party which was super deee duper. It also included hanging out with CT which was fantabulous. I feel like a party of her family, it's kinda cute and kinda funny. They amuse me. You know it's nice to feel loved though, like I belong. I mean, duh my family loves me. But I mean outside of my family. This brings me to my next thing...


"My" boy. I am not in love, NO MA'AM/SIR. But, I feel like I really need to do something. I can't just be content liking someone I have to like finish it. I have to get rejected so I can move on. Then I usually don't move on, or at least I don't like anyone for a while, it's not something I do. I like people but they don't change often. I'm not a crazed hormonal teen. Oh wait, yes I definitely am, but not in that sense. But I am like wanting a boyfriend, which is really weird for me. But I feel like just having that is a good experience and it would help me get through stuff, maybe. He may think I'm stupid though... but let's not discuss that. And he may just be freaked and or think I'm weird. I need to decide how to go about this. I need to discuss with N. which is weird. Relationship advice from the relationship failure known as my best friend. Well, he may not be great at relationships, but he is a guy so I'd hope he knows how guys think. Hopefully, we'll see. I love him so he deserves a shot at helping. Otherwise I'm just bombarding poor AP and CT with this, and they are like AH don't ask me. haha. So N. gets the load for a minute or hour or so. I feel like we need some bonding time anyways. HAHA.

So yes... I'm pretty like all over the place crazy and not knowing what else to say besides that I just want to curl up and rest for a long while. I'm so exhausted. I need a good book to read. I need to work on my novel (which I love doing) and also. It'd be nice to have a hand to hold...or arms to hold me... hmmm. We'll stop on that happy note...

♥♥♥