:] Smile. Katarzyna is here.

As you can clearly see this blog has been overhauled. :]

Yesterday I had an appointment in Boston and wow it was a big deal. sure, lots of pain, blah, blah, but my psychiatry appointment changed me. It made me really think and it's a good thing. We talked about how RSD doesn't have to be a piece of me, it can just be something that's along for the ride. Here's one metaphor she used that she'd heard from some other psychiatry something... lol. You're driving a bus. A big crazy bus. You have a bunch of rowdy passengers. these passengers, try to cover your eyes and take over the wheel. They are always trying to get past the do not pass line when the bus is in motion. Your job as the driver is to send them to the back of the bus. these passengers are pain. Pain in all it's troublesome forms. Pain interfering with your life, school, friends. Push it to the back of the bus. Well, I'm trying to do that. I'm not letting RSD take over. I've already pushed through, but now, it's not going to be in my conversation when I introduce myself. RSD is not me. I am me. Katarzyna Quince. Which is my new adoptive name. I love that name and it is now my blog name. :] It may be very unique and so you say wow weird, but idc. I am unique and people say wow weird, it doesn't bother me. Take note of the blog description and my about me. They are different. I am different. No, I'm the same person but better. I am regaining me. I am regaining Katarzyna, who i was before RSD. It feels pretty cool.

One of those pain guys name's is, "ruin carefree teenagehood". Well he's way in the back of the bus now. Huge change from my sad and defeated last blog. N., is the one losing his fairytale ending. I am moving on. I am not getting hung up on something serious, that causes fights and tears. I am an amazing person and I love being his friend, if he doesn't want to have this amazing person, or doesn't realize it, too bad. He lost his fairytale, so sad. I am getting out there and having fun. I am going be a teenager, and RSD sure, it'll be along for the ride. But, I don't care. I've met someone. Which is weird for me. To up and decide, wow, I like this kid. Normally I take my time and am all mature. Well, I haven't ever gotten to just say, let's have fun. So I am. I like him. And turns out he likes me. So I'm really excited to see where this goes. I'm just ready to enjoy liking someone and them liking me and us having fun. Now don't take that the wrong way... I know you "bloglings" (as C. puts it) always have your minds in the gutter. But take it however you wish. I am ready for a big change and this kid, is part of it. He's adorable, btw. haha. He's real and I love that. People that aren't worried about what other people think...or at least not a great deal, amaze me. He's not afraid to be himself and dude, that awesome. He's just great soooo yea. haha. But we'll talk more about him some other day, we'll let things just happen for now.

Another thing. Violin. I love it and I am going to start getting back to practicing. No more mope around in bed, I'm in treatment pain is ruling. I am in treatment. To kick pain off the bus. Right now it's on the bus, but it's in the way back. So yea, I'll have rough days, but I'm forever fighting and pushing those guys back so people can see ME the driver of this bus. I play violin. I love music. People are going to be reminded of that.

Another thing, I'm an awesome dedicated student. Sure, people at school cause pain to try to take me over, well too bad. It's not about the people. It's about me showing off my smartness. I am going to try hard to do what I can with school and treatment. It's not going to be easy, but hey is anything in life? Not really.

Yet another thing that is about me regaining me. Basketball. Woa, I have not been playing nearly enough it needs to change. Needs needs needs to. Pain will definitely be pushing it's way towards the line, but I love basketball. I even got new basketball sneakers :] I love working out and getting all sweaty. I love competition, I love the game all in all. I love the squish of the net and the press down court. I love jumping up and boxing someone out to grab the ball and push down court. It's amazing, and it's my time to shine.

Writing. Yea, I love it and am all about it. I don't even know if I told you I'm writing a novel for NanoWrimo. Well I am. It's amazing. It's about a troubled girl, who hasn't gotten to experience what I am trying to experience starting today. Maybe, I'll give her that. But the plan was not to. You see I decide how it goes. I love that about writing. You are in charge. Being in charge is a good feeling. But also, vulnerability doesn't hurt either. Anywho, I have 16680 words in this novel. my goal is to have 20000 by 11:59:59pm on November 30th. I'm so going to and beyond. Reading, yea...I need to do more of that too. But hey, I can't focus on everything at once, I'd go more insane than I already am ;]

I just thought of yet another way Katarzyna can "drive." When people ask how I am, if I am good, say good or great! Not good, but in pain. No. Pain is going to be there, but it's not ME. I'm going to let people especially this kid I like, see me and not the troublesome pain guys. Sure, this new mentality, it will suffer at times. I don't doubt, I'll have days when the guys push the line and don't want to fight back, but I'm going to try really hard. I'm going to enjoy me, enjoy being a teen. It sounds pretty darn amazing to me. Sure there will be drama, but I'LL be DRIVING. NOT PAIN.

Speaking of which, I can drive now. :] It's fun and I'm pretty good at it.

Also, I'm going to Germany!!!!!!! So that just makes smiles explode everywhere. Ich liebe Deutsch. I love German. It's going to be an amazing experience. This new/old me, is going to be amazing, because I'm going to make it that way!

There will be more smiling because although pain is along for the ride, Katarzyna is driving. :]

Oh yea... like the picture? I think it's rather amazing :]