I am

I am, I am a lot of things. This blog is a rant, a mega uber super de duper rant, because it needs to get out before I break down again. Therefore I am: ranting. I am: stressed. I am: upset. I am: confused. I am: frustrated. I am: scared. And this is only the beginning, the beginning of this blog, I am: writing. It may not be fair for my blog to be all about me, and what I am, but I think it's better that way. My blog, is my place. It's MINE. And no one else needs to be highlighted, or put down here. I think a blog should be just you talking to yourself not an audience. I mean I know there's an audience so I censor, but I just kinda talk, with limits. I mean, I'll never change my self for anyone. But I will never intentionally hurt someone. It doesn't matter who is hurting me, they don't deserve to be hurt. This is part of the reason i use initials and try not to get stuck talking about people, they don't deserve it. I feel like I deserve something, anything, but maybe I don't. Maybe what I have is exactly what I am supposed to, but I'd like to not think of it that way. Treatment is going awful, I mean, it's going how it's supposed to, but until you've experienced it, don't tell me I'll be fine. My treatment, is an uncertain thing. There is no guarantee I am: going to get better. It's a maybe. Maybes worry me. This doesn't mean I don't take risks. I take risks and often times they end badly. I expect them to end badly and so I prepare myself before hand. This doesn't mean I don't get freaked out. Nervousness is part of who :I am. I am: a confused teen really. I am: ranting about nothing, well everything, but trying not to write anything I'll regret. It's a tricky process. Okay, bottom line: I am hurt, really really hurt. I don't care if no one cares that I'm hurt but I sure as hell wish someone would. No one needs to give up their problems for me, if they think they do, they're wrong. No matter how unstable :I am or how much I feel that their problems don't compare to mine, I'll listen and I'll do my best to help. I am: disappointed, that people don't get to see who I really am. I am: mad that the world is what it is today. People need to get to know each other. People need to NOT ASSUME. Assumptions get us no where. This ranting probably is getting me nowhere... but...

I am: emotionally unstable right now. but I wish people would still give me a chance, all I need is someone to hug me, and not leave.