He's My Drug, My Silly Little Emo Boy

Don't call me obsessed, that's very judgemental. CT has got me saying "don't judge me a lot". Humans are constantly judging. It's not necessarily a bad thing always. Judgement is a very vague description. It's all about perspective. I kinda hate things being about perspective because then it can be changed by other people. Like you say something is bad and they say, no it's not. It's an opinion. They're entitled to it. No buts about it. But judgement is different. It can be turned around but never truly. It still hurts usually. You can say it's different but is it really?

Well, pain is beyond extreme, but I just "take my drug" and make it through. E. is my drug. I'm addicted to him. It sounds very sketchy. But that's alright. He's known for having a sketchy perspective and I'm alright with that. He's just a silly little and lovable emo. He helps my pain. He wants me better and makes me feel special. I sound like a sap, but oh well. I used to call my friends out on getting so into their boyfriends which doesn't make sense, I know. But I'm a very independent person who always has said I will never need anyone. Well, hey, maybe just maybe I'm wrong sometimes? ha. Shocking I know, but, i love him. It's pretty f'ing amazing and yet for me really scary. I feel like that's a part of love. CT and I have these long discussions about love. Do we know what is? Yes. Have we experienced it to the fullest? No. We're just little, but that's alright we think about it and try to figure it out. It can't be figured out. That's the biggest thing to "understand" about love. It isn't logical and it will never make sense. But that's alright. It's pretty amazing. Usually. Something so wonderful is scary because that means, it can be lost, and you know it will hurt really really bad. I'm not big on hurting. It's kind of my way of life. Anymore hurt and wow, I don't know. It puts me close to the edge. I try to avoid it. I need to let myself be vulnerable. Sure, I cry I get emotional, but I mean, trust that what is happening is amazing and not worry about what's going to happen. Not worry about the hurt that may come. CT no matter where she is will pick up my little Katarzyna pieces. And I'll pick up her's even if I have to wear rubber gloves...