It's A World Of Make Believe Where Wishes Do Come True

I love going to see AP's shows. CT and I have been to quite a few now. The title comes from one of them. "The Return of the Glass Slipper". It was very good, although my personal favorite show so far was "Big" the musical. But anyways, I chose this title for a reason, so let's get down to business, I'm awaiting a call from my boy and trying to get my blog done. Not that you blogings are unimportant...just, you come second to him. So deal with it. hahahaha. No, no one comes in second geesh. But for the record he is amazing amazing amazing. Speaking of records, I have this plan for next time he comes over. a record day. I have them occasionally, I'm not sure if I've told you about them. I pull out the huge boxes filled with the vinyl and play them. I love "old" music. I swear I'm an 80s child. the thing is on the way home from treatment I had an epiphany. Not only will it be a record day, but even better (prolly not in his opinion, but OH WELL). I'm going to make a mix tape. I don't know how to explain this. Basically I did it once for a school music assignment and I lost it so, I want another. You put a cassette in the tape deck and you can record chunks of songs off the records in succession. It's really cool and trippy. And so we're going to do it, whether he wants to or not. It's a good bonding experiance? I don't know. I'll just tell him "it builds character", that's what CT always tells me.

Speaking of building character. I've decided that's why I'm going to treatment, just for the experience. I figure if I don't wish, or have a desired outcome anything is good. It's not a world of make believe and wishes don't always come true. I mean it's sad but, reality. My psych. is a realist and I love that. She doesn't do the well, it's making you better. Well it's going to be okay. Reality, the goal is for improvement, but there is no guarantees at all. RSD is stupid, if you didn't know. If it cares to hang around even though I put myself through hell to retrain my brain and say GOODBYE RSD, then geesh, I will clap for it. *yay claps* Not really, but really, I'm doing everything I can and it's still a gamble. Being a realist is going to ease the pain less in the future.

I've determined that that's the issue with me. I can't get off the future and be in the now. It's part of why being with E. is so good for me. It's happening now and I get to just enjoy it and be amazed by it. It's not a future gamble, like treatment. It's a you're amazing I care about you just the way you are. And I absolutely love that. I absolutely hate RSD. gah. :p