Inspire. Initiate. Intimidate.

I've been inspired. Not to change my font size and style...but I did that too... I've been inspired by my A. love and woooo it's a doozy!!

She's so right and I'm calling myself out on this... I'm so ignorant and careless and HYPOCRITICAL. I really am. I just complain and complain about things when other people have it much worse. Sometimes people bring this to my attention in a not so kind way. A. did not do this. She was just blogging. She doesn't even know it affected me this way. It's okay, I'm glad it did. I take so much for granted it's not even funny. I have food! I have shelter. I have family and friends. Life is "rough" for everyone in some way. Mine seems really rough because of things that are happening but to others different things seem rough. When something happens that you'd never imagine it changes things. I'm glad I've changed but I'd like to change more. This is weird because I'm terrified of change. I mean not terrified...but it's hard for me. I get scared easily. But I want to become a better person. I want to have an affect on the world. I don't care if I'm remembered but I want to make a difference. Seeing that in her list of things that affect people that make them realize how selfish they are was RSD it just made me think wow she's so right. I mean I always try to throw in there I'm sorry I complain...it's brought good things too. But I'm sure that not what sticks in your head. It's all the funny things or big deep thoughts that stick with you. I'm sorry, I want to leave you with happy things. This blog is just me...trying to find myself. I say it's me fighting RSD but really it's me fighting to find who I am. I hope you don't mind me being totally selfish and just going on and on but it's my way of figuring things out...I guess in a way. But yes. I need to get out there, everyone does, and make changes. I want to do stuff to do with RSD but that's because it's what I know. It's hard to say and sad, but it's my life. I've been living it for nearly three years now. Even if I go into remission I am going to be fighting RSD, for everyone because it's a cause worth fighting for. I mean I know there are others. I am acknowledging that it may be selfish and that I think too much about myself... it's human nature I think. It's how Americans are. It's so sad. And one reason to tell you the truth not so "proud" to be American. I mean I'm not like I hate the USA...but it's not as good as it wants everyone to think. "It" brags a lot. It shouldn't, we have our issues. One being: SELFISHNESS.

So yes. I am aiming to become a better self or at least become more aware... so when I just ramble about me and my issues, I'm sorry. I reckonize that my life is good. That I shouldn't be complaining. I feel so guilty, I mean geesh. But...I have to get it out. It's no excuse but that's the truth.

Get out there and inspire people...don't go searching for inspiration...that comes when it wants but find a way to inspire something else. Initiate something, do something, be a leader. Don't be a follower. Don't let society ruin you! (Woa...transcendentalist much?! ah! we're studying that...) But it's true. You decide your destiny. even when you're down you are strong. I mean I honestly don't feel strong very often. I mean sure high pain tolerance blah blah blah but I'm weak. But confidence is key. Don't let other bring you down. Intimidate and conquer those people who are trying to stop you...including yourself.

Wow, I'm Miss Advice today. Honestly though I'm terrified...and avoiding homework. I'm so so stressed and so done with school. I just don't have the drive...like it's sad but true... I wish I did it'd help. But the pain is kinda taking over and I'm trying to keep the fake smiles and not let people see it, because I like pretending I'm strong, but really wow I'm a mess. But I try. Just trying, not following and flailing around on your own, even if it's not doing much of anything at least it's you not the reflection of someone else.

Blog You Later...actually...probably. I'm woooo high energy with nothing to do but what I don't want to... yipee. -_-

love ♥♥♥♥♥♥