Windowish

I feel windowish. In other words not so invincible. Windows aren't invincible, they break. Right now I feel broken. I feel so torn. It's because I watched a video... about my friend, I've seen it before but every time I watch it...it makes me befuddled. It's about her RSD journey and her agonizing treatment which put her in remission for a while. I just can't wrap my mind around going into treatment. I've had to accept that there is no help for so long that I'm reluctant to go and get help. There's so many reasons not to go. But then again there are good reasons to go.

Pros:

• possible remission.
• that means NORMALCY and getting to not count spoons for a while

Cons:

• money
• time--I can't go to school and be in treatment...it's like impossible...
• fear
• might not work
• distance

I just don't know. I mean I want to get better...but there is no cure for RSD. So it's just...maybe, for a while and I can't decide if it's worth it. In order for it to be a possibility I'll have to go through hell and lots of my parent's money and I just don't know if I can handle it. I'm so torn I really am terrified and don't know what to do. i wish there was an easy answer...but there never seems to be an easy answer...

blog ya l8r ♥♥♥

PS: I miss my RSD buddies SOOOO much and wish I could be with them. Soon. Even if it's not for long. Just to hug them.