Kindergarten

Well. Guys are stupid. Girls are stupid. Humans are stupid. I mean nothing in life can be simple. (rant coming on if you didn't guess) Seriously, I wish I was back in kindergarten. When you are a kid you are unaware of big issues, it just makes things so innocent and simple. You don't know where babies come from (haha wow) and you don't know what pro-choice is or what a democrat is, or where Darfur is. You are unaware, but it's okay. You not ignorant. Your innocent. These days I'd do anything to have that back. I mean I'm not like a trouble maker... I still have some innocence, but I'm aware of this world and I don't like it. I'm aware of hidden meanings and been hurt more times than I can count. I want kindergarten. I want everything to be okay.

I'm so vulnerable right now, that anyone who says anything "wrong" I lash out at. anything rough, or hard to handle, or scary makes me just want to cry. This feeling comes more and more often these days and I really don't like it. It makes me wonder if things get better. I hate feeling alone and like no one is the same as me. I want my independence but I also want a security blanket. Something that's a constant. I need something that's going to be there. And there isn't anything or anyone. I trust my friends and I love my family but for some reason I don't feel safe, I feel like at any moment, everything will be different and I'll have to find my way again, I'll have to start all over. It haunts me. The one constant in my life. Is RSD. That's not fair. Can't I just have one thing. ONE THING.

Oh I wish I was back in kindergarten.

I know this mood will pass and it certainly will return, but no matter how I feel I want kindergarten and simplicity. I want someone who even when I'm finding out who I am, will be there. Someone I don't have to fear losing. I want big issues to be over crayons and trivial things. I want a security blanket. I want this feeling to go away. I want everything to be okay.

♥