Lots of STUFF

So much to vent about. So much to say I'll probably forget things. Well first let's get the more somber things out. My mother called me depressing. which really hurts. Like I don't want this life. I don't want to be sad and upset but it's kind of hard not to be...
I just thought of this little rhyme Pain has made me a fighter.It brings out the fight.So watch out---having a pain flare tonight. I hate when people tell me I'm not good enough or that I'm too weak. I may act weak but deep down I'm not. I fight. I fight everyday. And I am vulnerable and scared, it gives me a rest from the fake smiles and trying not to show how much I hurt. Days like today when I can't use my leg and nothing seems to be going right, they bring out my fight. I'll get all sad and scared and worried at first and then I realize I'm letting RSD bring me down. That's not okay. It's a suckish disease. I have it. I gotta deal. it isn't going to rule my life. Yea sure right now I'm in so much pain I'd like to inflict pain. Pain that no one can understand but that doesn't mean I give up. It means I fight and think tomorrow will be better or I'll MAKE it better somehow. Yea well I have school the day after tomorrow and I'm going to be fine for that day cuz' if it were otherwise I may not make it. And I'm going to make it.

I'm also going to be sending Deeseal a gift. hehehehe. At college. She doesn't know this until she reads this...I need to get a hold of her and talk to her about it. :D I'm also never going to let N. or A. get away. they are AH-MAZE-ING people. They keep me fighting when all I can do is cry. They make my vulnerability okay. When I just need a hug and can't get one they're still there. And I could use a hug right now. It's going to be a long day tomorrow preparing for school. but I'll be ready. I'll fight for it. Cuz RSD IS NOT GOING TO WIN.

I'm thinking maybe I'll win...class prez.? Haha yea...no i don't think I better take on another thing but maybe next year...? I think i'm fit for the job but hey it's about popularity and "normalcy" i'm not into that.

I'm into spoons. I'm going to start collecting them. happy =D So I'll always have spare spoons for days like today.

Well I'm off. Nighty-night! ♥♥♥